January 8, 2009

TIPS FOR HELPING… 

The Counseling Corner

Tips for Helping a Loved One Lose Weight

By THE AMERICAN COUNSELING ASSOCIATION

It’s time for those New Year’s resolutions, and losing weight will again top many people’s lists. It’s a good resolution, since health authorities now label obesity as this nation’s leading health problem.If someone close to you is trying to lose weight this coming year, you probably want to help. Unfortunately, experts find that the “help” usually offered can actually have the opposite effect — adding more pounds while possibly hurting the relationship.So here are some tips on what to do, and not to do, if you want to really help someone reach their weight-loss goals:Nagging about those extra pounds, buying exercise equipment, suggesting new diets or taking the role of food police might all seem helpful, but they often leave the other person feeling like a failure who’s bad, ugly, and unable to lose weight and meet your expectations. When you talk about how losing weight is easy or just a matter of willpower, you’re sending negative messages that trigger destructive feelings and can push the person to actually eat more.A better way is to help the person understand the issues that are causing overeating and to be truly supportive of his or her efforts.Start by encouraging the person to talk about his or her feelings. Identify negative messages, and then help the person clarify and face down such feelings. Is your spouse feeling ugly because of excess weight? Sincerely explain the beauty you see in him or her that has nothing to do with what the scale says.It can also help to identify emotional issues that can lead to overeating. We all “stress eat,” but when someone is constantly depressed or anxious it can be a bigger problem. Knowing that a loved one is there to listen and understand can help fight such feelings.You can also be an example. That doesn’t mean making food rules, but rather eating a healthy diet with sensible portions. Start an exercise routine, and after a week or two, invite the person trying to lose weight to join you.Your goal is for the person you care about to see you as a source of encouragement and support, not a critic. Offer praise when weight is lost and encouragement when weight-loss plateaus are encountered. Being involved like this can bring you closer and encourage your loved one to look harder at what drives his or her eating.The Counseling Corner is provided as a public service by the American Counseling Association, the nation’s largest organization of counseling professionals.